The world didn’t stop. This terrible thing happened and I had to keep on doing life. I still have to. But this is why I’m sharing my story, because I want you to know that you are not alone in this. I want you to know that no matter when you experience this loss it fucking hurts, and it will continue to hurt, and from what other women have told me it always will, but it does ease.

It came in waves. The logical side of my brain would take over and then the emotional side would just spill out. It was like my mind was trying to make sense and rationalize what was happening, but at the same time it was also trying to deal with the realization of what would never be.

My heart sank. I rushed to go tell Alex and my mind went blank.

What do we do? I don’t know what to do.

He asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and I wasn’t sure, I mean what are you supposed to do in this situation? How exactly can they help me? They can’t stop it. I don’t exactly have a prenatal care provider yet and if we go, do we go to an emergency room or an urgent care? So many questions ran through my mind and I had no answers. No one had ever really talked about this with me, but also who is supposed to be having this conversation with me? Why would I have this conversation at all?